REVISING A PARAGRAPH -DUE JANUARY 5

Using the teacher comments, the scoring guide, and the "Tips on Revising Persuasive Essay" rewrite one body paragraph from your essay on immigration.  Select a body  paragraph that requires the most revisions. You will get no additional credit if  you rewrite the introduction or the conclusion.

The paragraph must be typed and turned in with your original essay and scoring guide. The revision is worth 10 poinst which will be added to your original essay score.  You will not be given partial credit for this rewrite.

TIPS FOR IMPROVING PERSUASIVE ESSAY

PERSUASIVE ESSAY

AREAS FOR IMPROVEMENT

COMPLEX THESIS

1.  Must state a clear point of view that can be supported.  A factual statement is not a thesis.

2.  Identification of the arguments you will be presenting (foreshadowing of arguments)

3.  No “I” statements or other personal pronouns

BODY PARAGRAPHS (ARGUMENTS)

1.  Topic sentence should be the first sentence of paragraph

2.  Topic sentence must do two things: 

      *   Clearly connect to thesis

      *   Accurately represent what the paragraph (argument) is all about

3. Generalizations must be supported by fact based evidence.  A common problem was that there was not enough evidence. 

4.  Be sure your analysis (explanation of the importance of your evidence in supporting your argument) relates to the evidence presented in the paragraph

5.  Be sure you have analysis.  You know you don’t if you have just described something and not explained its importance. 

6.  Too often the paragraph strays from the topic sentence which must give the paragraph focus.  This makes it hard to figure out what you are trying to say and calls into questions the overall thesis.

COMMUNICATION

1.  Correct fragmented, run-on and confusing sentence structure. 

2.  Avoid repetition.

3.  Use transitions between sentences to improve the flow of the essay.  (However, In addition, Also, On the other hand, Furthermore, More importantly, This results in)
4.  Embed quotes so they flow within the paragraph.  This relates to transitions.  Avoid "in this quote" or "I chose this quote because"

4.  Be careful about word choice.  Avoid slang and informal language.

5.  Avoid consistent grammatical errors and don’t just rely on spell check
6.  Avoid rhetorical questions

CONCLUSION

1.  Omitting the relevance of your essay.  Leave the reader with a big or important idea that comes out of your essay.  Should be something new but not a whole new argument.

CITATIONS

1.  Statistics that were not cited.

2.  Direct quotes that were not cited.

3.  Bogging down fluency by writing out the entire source rather than using MLA citation format.

WORKS CITED PAGE

1.  Excluding sources used in the essay.

REVIEW IMMIGRATION ESSAYS - DUE 12/16 AND 12/17

Your task is to:

1.  Review the scoring guide and the comments I made on your Immigration essay.
2.  Write down those comments.  If the comments are repetitive, then of course write down the general point.  Write down these comments on a separate piece of paper.
3.  Bring your essay and your written comment sheet to class on Tuesday/Wednesday.  You will not be able to begin revisions until you show me that you have accomplished these steps.

TAKING NOTES ON CRY FREEDOM DEC.8-17

Watch the film, Cry Freedom, and take notes on the following:

1.  Beliefs, views, and values of Steven Biko and Donald Woods.
2.  Actions Biko and Woods have taken to challenge apartheid.
3.  Living conditions under the apartheid system.

LIBRARY RESEARCH ASSIGNMENT DEC.8th

Research ideas and proposals for changes in law enforcement and the justice system that address the issue of excessive/lethal force by police departments.

We will use a modified digital note format.  You are required to cut and paste essential information and note direct quotes as well as citation of sources.

Key search terms "Reforms in Police Department"

RIVONIA TRIAL SPEECH QUESTIONS DUE DEC.8

Read the Rivonia Trial Speech and answer the questions on Student Handout #17.

ARTICLE ON FERGUSON DUE DEC 8

Read an article about the controversy in Ferguson Missouri. Be prepared to share the key ideas from the article.  Bring in article or cite article.  Summary is optional but if  you do it you get extra credit.

LAWS OF SOUTH OF SOUTH AFRICA DUE DEC.3/DEC.4

Fill out student handout #9 using information from Laws of South Africa #8.  Be sure not only to identify the law that is violated and why that law is violated.   You will not get full credit unless you have complete answers.